Self-awareness can help you fix your relationship problems because, when the people involved understand and can manage their emotions, thoughts, and actions, they are in a good position to resolve the situation.
Many people experience difficulties in their relationships and don’t know what to do about them. They repeat an endless cycle of getting hurt, hurting back and perpetuating the hurt through their actions. It even happens in dating situations and marriages where both people are kind, intelligent and caring. So what is it that causes this conflict and what can we do to increase our self-awareness and do something about the issue? It helps to first examine why conflict occurs. Here are some of the causes:
- Neither person understands the other person’s point of view.
- There is not a meeting of the minds on issues.
- Neither side backs down.
- Each side tries to win.
- Neither side has the skills or knowledge to fix the problem.
- The people involved are hurt, angry, frustrated or sad.
The good news is that you can help your situation by being self-aware and thinking about new ways of doing things. The key point is to start a process where nobody wins and both of you collaborate to find a solution that works for everyone involved. Consider using the following ideas to begin increasing your self-awareness and connecting with your significant other in ways that will benefit both of you.
- You both agree to talk.
- Set up an interruption-free time to talk.
- Agree on one thing to talk about.
- Brainstorm possible ideas to fix the problem.
- Evaluate each option.
- Agree together on the resolution that works best for both of you.
- Work together to take action on the resolution.
- Move to the next problem.
- Think about getting a neutral person involved to mediate.
I also encourage my clients to do away with the word “problem” and look at the challenges in life as opportunities for personal growth and movement in a more positive direction. Looking at challenging situations in a positive light gives you the opportunity to actually fix things rather than repeating the same patterns.
So the next time you are in the middle of a fight, redirect your thoughts to the possibility that both of you can work together and purposefully resolve the matter. What will you do to increase your self-awareness and fix your relationship problems?
Cheers,
Guy
