The Self-Awareness Guy

Here’s how to increase self-awareness in communication:

• Listen actively.

It’s that simple. The problem is that our culture teaches us to interrupt, interject, dispute, cajole, get angry, become defensive, fight back, and any number of things that absolutely do not improve communication. Active listening is an excellent tool used by self-aware people who understand that communicating with another person is not about imposing one’s will, it means learning about the other individual and gathering information. Here’s how you listen actively:

• Try to communicate with people one on one or in small groups.
• Communicate at times when everyone is able to participate fully.
• Set aside a quiet place to talk about meaningful things.
• Sit on the same level, not separated by a desk or other objects.
• Make time to talk thoroughly, without interruptions.
• Decide with the other person what the topic at hand is, both of you agree on what it is, no one imposes the topic.
• Once the topic is decided, let the other person tell their story.
• While the other person is talking, the only thing you should do is listen carefully to everything they have to say. Don’t think of how to rebut, or argue, or contradict, or direct the conversation. Just listen intently.
• When the other person stops talking, and only then, ask any open-ended questions you might have and then let the other person talk again.
• Repeat this whole process every time you talk with someone.

Active listening is the opposite of our standard way of communicating where we pile on each other and hope someone understands something. People who possess self-awareness are healthy and comfortable enough to give the other person the space to simply talk. This process will seem difficult at first but, over time, it will become your new way to communicate much more effectively.

Cheers,

Guy

Self-awareness and hiring talent are linked because, when leaders and HR professionals value self-knowledge in themselves and others, they are able to scrutinize and evaluate candidates more effectively and make better decisions about whom to bring into the company.

When I talk with leaders and HR professionals a question frequently comes up on how to balance the need for filling positions versus hiring someone who is ideally suited to the position. I often hear comments about how there are no qualified candidates out there or that good people are so hard to find.

There are some basic things that leaders and organizations can do to ensure that they are getting the best people possible rather than just filling seats.

What is The Focus of Your Hiring?

Determine what you need in your organization. Do you just want to fill seats or do you want highly motivated and driven people who love doing what you do. Try focusing on hiring people who really like to do the work you are hiring them to do.

Focus the Job Description

Instead of working in generalities get down to the exact qualities you need someone to possess. Get into great detail so that you can weed out those who don’t fit the bill. Make sure your candidate loves doing the things that are in the job description.

Hire Based on People’s Passions

Just because someone can do something doesn’t mean they love what they do.  It’s far more effective to hire someone because they genuinely enjoy the job that you’re hiring them for. Make sure you understand the candidate’s interest and passions before you consider her for a position.

Ask Open-Ended Questions

These are deeper questions that invite sharing and help you understand who people are. Ask questions that inspire critical thinking, encourage the candidate demonstrate her expertise, and don’t lead to a yes or no answer.

Limit Fantasizing

Sure it’s nice to think that this person is the one for this job. We love for people to succeed and for this persistent opening to go away but try not to place people in positions just because you hope it will work out. Make sure the position is one they’ll love doing.

Be Up Front

Tell people what the position is. Don’t embellish; include the things that aren’t so great about the position and ask for the candidate’s impressions based on those elements. This will help you determine whether someone really enjoys the work required in the position you’re trying to fill.

Try these practical ideas to move your organization in a direction where it is hiring people who truly love the position they’ve accepted. When your new hires find themselves in a job that reflects who they are and what they enjoy doing, they will be far more likely to do a great job and stay with the company.

What will you do to develop self-awareness and successfully hire talent?

Cheers,

Guy

A communication skill that will help you improve almost any workplace interaction is to demonstrate self-awareness by learning how to have a conversation without defensiveness. I often hear from my clients that it is very difficult to not take things personally. It’s natural for us to think that everything another person says is about us but, in reality, what other people tell us is simply their perception.

Communication in many workplaces often transpires like this:

Person A:  I wish you wouldn’t get angry at me so often.

Person B:  I can’t believe you’re saying that to me after all the hard work I do for you and this department.

The standard reaction for the person on the receiving end of exchanges like this is to get upset and feel threatened or hurt by the statement so they get defensive or feel they have to fight back. When they do that the other person gets defensive and chaos ensues. The result is lack of self-awareness, ineffective communication, and constant conflict.

I prefer to look at what people say to me as an opportunity to understand the other person better. The next time someone says something that you normally would fight back against or that makes you feel defensive, try the following strategies:

1.  Think of the statement only as words and information. In this case the person said they would like to see less anger coming from you. Even if their statement has no basis in reality just look at it as their perspective. This allows you to take what the other person has said, learn something about them and think of ways to improve the situation without getting your stuff mixed up in it.

2.  It’s not about right/wrong, win/lose, it’s about effective communication. Think of the statement as window into the other person’s thoughts and take the opportunity to learn about them. After all, they’re only telling you about their perception not about how they want to destroy you.

3.  Ask open-ended questions to gather more information. For example: What are the reasons you think that? Listen actively and gather information only. Don’t judge, get upset or fight. Ask open-ended questions until the tone of the conversation changes from tension to calm.

4.  Listen, listen, listen. Try not to comment, rebut, challenge or change the other person’s point of view no matter how much you disagree. Don’t interrupt and stay with them until the conversation becomes more tranquil.  ou will know when you have listened enough because the other person will be calmer.

5.  When the other person is finished thank them for the information and tell them you will consider it. If they ask you to, paraphrase what they’ve said and tell them their point of view is important to you. Invite them to share their ideas with you again if they think of anything else.

When you practice these behaviors you demonstrate self-awareness and give the other person the opportunity to tell you about themselves. You also show them what it’s like to be listened to in the workplace and have their point of view accepted for what it is: their valuable point of view. This sets up a very important dynamic because it introduces the concept that both people can express themselves without reacting negatively.

Try this approach the next time you find yourself in a situation where someone is telling you something that sets you off. If you practice these skills, the other person will notice that you are giving them the chance to speak and will be more likely to do the same for you.

Even if the other person is trying to upset you you’ll be able to get information directly from them to clarify what’s occurring. People often say things they don’t mean because they don’t feel heard or don’t think it will matter to the other person.

What will you do to develop self-awareness and reduce the defensiveness in your workplace communication?

Cheers,

Guy

Leadership and self-awareness go hand in hand to build happy workplaces but many leaders have no clue how their actions affect the people around them and the well-being of their organizations. They stumble through their days working out their personal issues on people without realizing what they’re doing.

Leaders with self-awareness have the ability to manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors so that they treat themselves and others positively. Most leaders have little to no understanding of how they affect the people around them so they spend the day bossing everyone around instead of inspiring them. Here are five signs you’re practicing leadership with self-awareness:

1. You don’t bark orders.
2. You create a work environment where people motivate themselves from within.
3. You don’t picture yourself as a fearless leader steering a ship through turbulent waters.
4. You work collaboratively for the collective good.
5. Your staff genuinely likes you.
6. You appreciate feedback and do something positive with it.
7. You’re constantly growing.
8. You delegate often and well.
9. You don’t get into power struggles.
10. There is low turnover in your department or company.
11. There is very little conflict in your organization.
12. You communicate well because you’re an active listener.
13. You’re a balanced, likable person.
14. You don’t lead through fear but rather through kindness and compassion.
15. You have empathy.

Leaders who possess self-awareness get a lot more done with less effort. There’s no mystery to becoming more self-aware, you just have to work at it every day. Try picking one of the items on the list and practicing it until you get good at it, then move on to the next. Before you know it, you’ll be leading with self-awareness. What will you do to get the process going?

Cheers,

Guy