Self-Awareness in Leadership

Self-Aware Leaders Don't Discipline Employees - On Developing Self-Awareness and Being Self-Aware

Self-Aware Leaders Don’t Discipline Employees

/ / Self-Awareness in Leadership / , , , ,

Self-aware leaders don’t discipline employees because they understand that being punitive is a poor approach to elicit better performance from people. So why do so many leaders and organizations insist on disciplining everyone? Because they lack self-awareness and the knowledge to do something differently.

See if you recognize this pattern: An employee does something against the rules and sets in motion a complex series of consequences which may include a verbal warning, counseling, reprimanding, written warning, heartfelt lecture and so on up to termination or taking away their TV privileges.

While I understand that workplaces need a standardized, consistent way of dealing with behaviors that break the rules, I’ve found it helpful to encourage an alternate approach that treats employees like thinking, capable people instead of children. Here are 5 ideas to help you deal with negative employee behaviors before you even think about going to the HR manual:

1.  Ask the employee what happened and then listen without interrupting.

2.  Ask the employee to tell you what they did that worked well toward fixing the situation and listen to them. Then ask them what didn’t work as well and listen.

3.  Ask the employee to come up with three recommendations of what they would do to remedy the situation.

4.  Ask the employee to take action on the most important recommendation and give you a time limit by when they will do it. When they report back ask them what three other things they recommend doing and have them follow-through on the top one of that set of ideas and report back.

5.  Praise the employee for the corrections he or she has made.

The trap leaders who lack self-awareness fall into when disciplining employees is that they think they have to correct behaviors through external consequences or punishment rather than helping them learn positive behaviors. This overlooks the concept that employees are able to think for themselves and correct their own behavior.

When I talk with leaders about this approach I invariably get the question, “Well, what if the employee has no clue what to do?” My answer is, you won’t find out until you give them an opportunity to do it. Leaders are so used to running to the rule book that they forget that there are many other ways of resolving all kinds of workplace challenges. The key to this approach is practicing it until people get really good at it. This leads to employees who are able to think critically and problem-solve their own situations.

What will you do to develop self-awareness, stop disciplining employees, and start involving them in improving their own behaviors?

Cheers,

Guy

101 Effective Communication Tips for Self-Aware Workplaces - On Developing Self-Awareness and Being Self-Aware

101 Effective Communication Tips for Self-Aware Workplaces

/ / Self-Awareness in Leadership / , , ,

Effective communication skills are vital for building a well-functioning workplace yet many people who lack self-awareness interact with each other using styles they learned at home or through their friends or co-workers. Here are 101 effective communication tips to help you build a healthier, happier, more self-aware workplace:

1. Listen to your employees.
2. Don’t interrupt.
3. Don’t offer advice.
4. Refrain from trying to fix things.
5. Don’t give your opinion if not solicited.
6. Stop yourself from jumping in.
7. Don’t react or get upset.
8. Listen for key terms.
9. Set basic ground rules.
10. Repeat information back to the person.
11. Paraphrase what the person has said.
12. Ask the person open-ended questions.
13. Talk in a quiet environment.
14. Talk at a time that isn’t busy.
15. Be friendly.
16. Be courteous.
17. Don’t sit behind a desk.
18. Set up a comfortable atmosphere.
19. Let the other person lead the conversation.
20. No retribution for anything said.
21. Keep confidentiality.
22. Work with the person to find solutions.
23. Be open to more conversations.
24. Be gentle.
25. Talk at the other person’s pace.
26. Be kind.
27. Be caring.
28. Act like you’re interested.
29. Face the person.
30. Look at the person.
31. Nod and say “uh huh.”
32. Invite the person to keep talking.
33. It’s OK to have silences.
34. Try not to guide the conversation.
35. Let the other person set the agenda.
36. Meet at a time the other person determines.
37. Be open to ideas.
38. Be open to changing your mind.
39. Don’t react out of emotion, especially anger.
40. Empathize with the other person.
41. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
42. Be helpful.
43. Act like the other person matters.
44. Allow enough time for the conversation.
45. Leave your ego at the door.
46. Leave personal beefs behind.
47. Leave negative opinions out of the meeting.
48. Talk only when the other person asks you to do so.
49. Let the other person talk most of the time.
50. Resist the temptation to rebut.
51. This isn’t the time to be right.
52. Don’t try to prove a point.
53. No arguing allowed.
54. No convincing the other person of your point of view.
55. Don’t cross your arms.
56. Thank the person for meeting with you.
57. Don’t pull rank.
58. Don’t mention policies or procedures.
59. Don’t reference the employee manual.
60. This isn’t the time to punish.
61. Encourage the other person’s thoughts.
62. Build rapport.
63. Show an interest in the other person.
64. Learn about the other person.
65. Appreciate the information they are giving you.
66. Focus on the other person.
67. Don’t think of the next thing you want to say.
68. Smile.
69. Try not to crack jokes at the other person’s expense.
70. Don’t diminish or minimize what the person is saying.
71. Don’t negate what the other person is saying.
72. This isn’t about right and wrong, it’s about talking.
73. Don’t teach.
74. Don’t try to dominate.
75. Don’t try to control the situation.
76. Turn your phone off.
77. All ideas are welcome.
78. One person talks at a time.
79. Act like a grownup.
80. Avoid confrontation.
81. Don’t take things personally.
82. The other person’s opinion is incredibly valuable.
83. Think in terms of building a relationship.
84. Use conversation to build a stronger team.
85. Let people find their own answers.
86. Answer questions only when asked.
87. Treat the other person like a human being.
88. The other person isn’t an enemy.
89. Treat the other person like an ally.
90. This isn’t a competition, it’s a conversation.
91. Encourage different points of view.
92. Praise the other person.
93. Try not to predict what the other person will say.
94. Don’t work out your family stuff at this time.
95. Speak clearly.
96. Speak openly.
97. Speak in a calm tone.
98. Don’t raise your voice.
99. Be positive.
100. Ask for help if you need it.
101. Be courageous.

Effective communication doesn’t just happen, it takes practice over time. Many people get discouraged because it takes time and energy to become an expert communicator. The good news is that anyone can do it if they commit to practicing over time. Effective communication is about techniques but also about your mindset, you can create amazing, dynamic and caring workplaces if you decide to interact positively with others.

What will you do to develop self-awareness and practice effective communication in your workplace?

Cheers,

Guy

Self-Aware Leaders Care about Diversity - On Developing Self-Awareness and Being Self-Aware

Self-Aware Leaders Care about Diversity

/ / Self-Awareness in Leadership / , ,

Many leaders who lack self-awareness stare blankly at me when I mention diversity, to the point where I wonder whether they even realize that diversity is all around them. Think of your regular workplace. Are there two people who think exactly alike? Do any two people look exactly the same? Does everyone have the same leadership style? Does everyone have exactly the same knowledge? Did everyone grow up exactly the same way?

Every workplace is made up of people from diverse backgrounds and perspectives. This isn’t due to some cosmic plan, it’s just that no two people are alike. So why is it that people get all bent out of shape about diversity?

Perhaps it’s just that we don’t like to think about new and different things. Humans, especially those that lack self-awareness, are generally resistant to change but are amazingly capable of assimilating it over time. Why should you care about diversity? It really comes down to getting stuff done. Imagine if everyone on your team felt included. Think about what would happen if you could get rid of much of the problems related to people not getting along at work. What would your business look like if people trusted each other and worked as a team?

Diversity can be a powerful tool for businesses and individuals to succeed. It allows you to harness and use the wide range of talents and experience of your workforce. Best of all it makes sure that everyone is part of a thriving team rather than the alternative.

What will you do to develop self-awareness and care about diversity?

Cheers,

Guy

Leaders Who Lack Self-Awareness Lead Unconsciously - On Developing Self-Awareness and Being Self-Aware

Leaders Who Lack Self-Awareness Lead Unconsciously

/ / Self-Awareness in Leadership / , , ,

Many leaders who lack self-awareness have a special talent for creating hostile workplaces teeming with uninspired and miserable employees just waiting for the day to end. Why does this happen in so many workplaces? One major reason is that many people in leadership positions mean well but lead unconsciously. They do what they’ve always done and, for many, that means repeating behaviors they saw in their families when they were growing up or that were spread to them by other unwitting bosses. They make the same mistakes over and over, hoping that someday they’ll get different results. Here are ten leadership mistakes that are being perpetrated in workplaces worldwide as we speak by leaders who lack self-awareness:

  1. Preventing employees from thinking for themselves and making decisions independently.
  2. Not being able to let go of the need to control people.
  3. Working out personal problems on one’s employees.
  4. Functioning in a reactive, disorganized manner instead of planning proactively.
  5. Creating chaos and confusion by always being in crisis mode.
  6. Not setting a positive example of how to behave appropriately and effectively in the workplace.
  7. Constantly assigning duties with no clear expectations or support.
  8. Talking too much instead of listening actively.
  9. Not trusting employees.
  10. Not asking for input, feedback or help.

If you’ve ever worked for someone who does these things you cherish the memories of wanting to find another job or hoping they move on sometime soon. It can be incredibly stifling and demoralizing to work for a leader like this but it’s a common scenario.

The vital question to ask here is whether you do any of these things? If you do, it doesn’t mean you’re evil, just that you have an opportunity to lead more effectively. Any of the examples mentioned in this article can be replaced with a different behavior that leads to more positive results. You get to decide how you behave and what kind of workplace you create.

What will you do to develop self-awareness and lead consciously?

Cheers,

Guy

How Leaders Become Self-Aware - On Developing Self-Awareness and Being Self-Aware

How Leaders Become Self-Aware

/ / Self-Awareness in Leadership / , ,

I’m fascinated by the question of how leaders become self-aware because it seems like such a daunting challenge for so many of them. I was facilitating a leadership training a few years ago and it became apparent that several participants had no idea how they were viewed by their employees or what kind of workplace environment they were creating. I had staff members confide in me during breaks that the way these leaders were portraying themselves was very different from how other people perceived their actions.

Becoming self-aware is important because it allows you to make positive adjustments and become an even better leader. Here are some practical questions you can ask yourself to start developing your level of self-awareness:

  • Think about your behavior. What works, what doesn’t, and what might you do differently?
  • How well do you deal with your and others’ emotions?
  • How does your thinking affect your workplace?
  • What are the unresolved issues inside you that require healing?
  • How do your employees really view you?
  • What type of work environment does your leadership create?
  • What situations keep coming up in your workplace and how does your leadership style affect them?
  • What type of results do you get and at what cost?
  • How open are you to learning new things and changing your leadership approach?

Think about questions like these and you’ll begin the process of becoming more self-aware. Leaders who take a look at themselves are able to grow and adapt because they’re open to examining their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. They have the ability to welcome change and improve their skills. They also get to be happier because they can let go of the things that don’t work and focus on approaches that do.

Becoming more self-aware doesn’t mean tearing yourself down or feeling like you’re a failure, it’s a process you embark on to become stronger and more proactive. What would you add to this list?

Cheers,

Guy

Self-Awareness, Empathy, and Effective Communication - On Developing Self-Awareness and Being Self-Aware

Self-Awareness, Empathy, and Effective Communication

/ / Self-Awareness in Leadership / , , , ,

Leaders who lack self-awareness often become so consumed with their own day-to-day experiences and perceptions of their environment that they forget that other people exist and have needs too. This behavior leads to a communication style based on a lack of meaningful connection and understanding between leadership and employees.

A frequently overlooked element of effective communication is empathy; the ability to understand what other people are going through from their perspective. When you master this skill, you communicate on a much deeper level because you’re being self-aware and connecting below the surface. It’s the difference between having civil but superficial conversations and genuinely understanding people.

My consulting clients often ask me why people behave the way they do and what they can do about it. That’s where self-awareness, empathy, and effective communication come in. When you communicate on a deeper level you move from being surprised by what people do to understanding their behavior. That’s because you’ve made a shift from assuming you know what they’re thinking and feeling to finding out what they’re really going through. How can you develop this skill? Try the following ideas:

1. Stop talking and listen actively instead.

2. Put yourself in the other person’s situation and imagine you’re experiencing the same thing from their vantage point.

3. When the other person is done talking, ask open-ended questions to encourage him or her to tell you more.

4. Remind yourself that what they’re saying isn’t about you, it’s about how they experience the world.

5. Strive to accept anything the person says as their perception rather than something that threatens you or must be changed.

When you use empathy as part of effective communication you move beyond being in the room with someone and saying words. You connect with them in a more meaningful way. Think in terms of how you feel when someone really values and appreciates what you’re thinking and feeling.

Empathy is about demonstrating that you value other people’s perspectives. They may not think exactly as you do but their thoughts mean as much to them as yours mean to you. Once you can empathize with someone else’s experience, you’re communicating in a way that shows them you respect where they’re coming from.

What will you do to develop self-awareness and empathy and practice effective communication?

Cheers,

Guy

Self-Aware Leaders Are Inspiring, Not Controlling - On Developing Self-Awareness and Being Self-Aware

Self-Aware Leaders Are Inspiring, Not Controlling

/ / Self-Awareness in Leadership / , ,

Have you ever noticed that people often define leaders as those who can run around giving orders? I consult for many private and nonprofit organizations that lack self-awareness and swear leadership means being able to tell people what to do. It’s a highly directive style where the leader gives orders, expects them to be carried out and then gets agitated if they’re not. This approach has been in use since our distant ancestors decided it was a good idea to tell the kids to shut up and do as they’re told. This leadership style is pervasive in our workplaces even to the point where people greatly admire someone who “takes charge” or “pushes everyone to succeed.” The catch with this kind of approach is that it’s deeply rooted in controlling people rather than inspiring them.

It’s really easy to tell people what to do because it’s a one-way exchange that requires no self-awareness. You give the order, they deal with it. Inspiration is quite another thing because it’s about figuring out a way for people to feel like doing excellent work because they feel great about themselves and the organization. Here are some practical ways you can move from controlling to inspiring leadership.

  • Ask employees what they love to do and help them do it.
  • Have conversations with your employees where all you do is listen to them.
  • Let employees assign themselves tasks and set their own goals.
  • Brainstorm ideas with employees and actually use them to improve the organization.
  • Share information and ask for people’s ideas to improve it.
  • Find ways to delegate and let go of the need to control people and outcomes.
  • Set a positive example of how to treat people with kindness.
  • Ask your employees what inspires them and then help them do it.
  • Take a look at yourself and ask, “How can I be more inspiring every day.”
  • Admit your mistakes.
  • Be vulnerable once in a while.
  • Trust your employees.
  • Praise your employees.
  • Ask your employees how you can be more inspiring.

Try these ideas and you’ll find you start moving from trying to control employees to helping them be more inspired. It will take some effort because many workplaces are structured to run on control but, with practice and dedication, you will enjoy a workplace that is both more inspired and more productive.

What will you do to develop self-awareness and inspire employees?

Cheers,

Guy

The Self-Awareness Guy