The Self-Awareness Guy

Self-Awareness Helps You Reduce Workplace Conflict

February 12, 2023 - The Self-Awareness Guy

Self-awareness helps you reduce workplace conflict because, when people from leadership on down understand how their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors affect themselves and others, they are able to build healthy workplaces that don’t suffer from endless strife.

We have a great deal of influence over how our workplace conflicts play out but we seldom do anything about them because we don’t know how. We aren’t given a manual on how to resolve workplace conflict or promote positive interactions, so we kind of improvise, mostly using what we learned in our family or social circle to try to fix all our challenges.

Since we haven’t been trained in how to actually defuse a situation, we frequently become part of the problem in interpersonal interactions rather than helping devise a solution. This happens because we lack self-awareness, essential conflict resolution skills, or we lose perspective and let the other person draw us into the situation. Think about the following scenarios and see if you can spot the difference between being part of the problem and not.

1. The other person gets angry and you immediately retaliate and/or defend yourself.

2. The other person gets angry and you ask them to tell you about it and you listen.

As I’m sure you can tell, example number two is the more desirable behavior and will get you far better results. There is a myth that we have to fight to the death for our point of view and deny others theirs but, in practical terms, this only perpetuates a communication style that continues the conflict because it never resolves the underlying issues that feed the situation. People who lack self-awareness stumble from conflict to conflict hoping they’ll go away or looking forward to the next one but never actually fixing the situation. I much prefer a scenario where we actually make the conflict go away by resolving it. This is possible by practicing some common-sense skills that too often get lost in the midst of all the shouting.

One of the best ways to reduce confrontation is to have the self-awareness to simply listen. The world is not going to end if you don’t retaliate or fight. In reality, you actually connect more with the other person if you just listen to them. You also benefit from not having to fight and you get to relax more. When you listen it doesn’t mean that you agree with the other person, it just indicates that you are willing to consider the other person’s point of view. Listening is a powerful skill for defusing conflict because it makes the other person feel important. People tend to explode or talk with great urgency because they are used to people cutting them off. When we don’t cut them off they can tell us what’s bothering them and then we can work together to actually find a solution.

The next skill is to have the self-awareness to not become defensive. Many people think that the only way to deal with workplace conflict is to retaliate. This approach rarely fixes anything and often worsens the situation. If your goal is to actually resolve things then it is helpful to rein yourself in and not go on the offensive. The reason we react defensively is that we feel attacked when others are in conflict with us, we take it personally. In actuality, people get upset for any number of reasons and it is usually about things that are going on inside them. Next time you are in a conflict try a different approach. Take some time to consciously listening to the other person or calm yourself down by breathing or counting. When we remain composed, we don’t add fuel to the fire and our interactions tend to go in a more positive direction. Even in the face of active conflict, if we simply take a breath and let the other person process what’s going on inside them we greatly increase the chances that they will calm down. In general, people aren’t furious at us, they are simply working on their own issues and we happen to be in the vicinity.

People like to be valued and listened to and they are much more likely to work with us to resolve problems if they see we are not going to trample all over them or become defensive. The next time you feel a clash coming on, try listening to the other person without commenting, editorializing, offering your opinion or going into defensive mode. By practicing these foundation-building skills, you will be setting the foundation for improved interactions in the future.

What will you do to develop self-awareness and reduce conflict in your workplace?

Cheers,

Guy

Self-Awareness Consulting Produces Long-Term Results

February 11, 2023 - The Self-Awareness Guy

Many leaders hire a self-awareness consultant for a session or two only to find that they produce little or no long-term results. Most leaders and their employees are highly motivated and conscientious professionals who genuinely want their training programs to succeed but who habitually focus on short-term patches instead of long-term programs that benefit their organizations over time.

Short-term thinking permeates many of our workplaces. I’ve had more than a few leaders who lack self-awareness ask me to transform their workplaces and employees in a single, three-hour session, and they actually believe it can be done. It takes considerably more time and effort for consulting to take hold in any organization. As with any behavior, it takes time to shift our thinking and replace it with new actions. Here are ten ideas that will help you make the most of your work with a self-awareness consultant and create long-term results:

1. Self-awareness consulting works best when it’s ongoing. A one-time session might be mildly effective if you’re teaching people a specific workplace task but it doesn’t create long-term changes in thinking and behavior. Learning any new skill (such as how to communicate well, manage effectively or build teams) takes deliberate practice over time.

2. Help your employees keep practicing the new skills. Your staff members benefit from your support to keep the consulting going. Try to set people up for success by giving them opportunities to practice the material instead of expecting them to be perfect immediately after one or two sessions.

3. Self-awareness consulting starts with leadership. No initiative succeeds in an organization if leaders aren’t fully committed to participating actively in the program. If you’re not involved on an ongoing basis, then your staff members will think the program doesn’t really matter.

4. Don’t hire a self-awareness consultant on the cheap. You don’t have to spend excessive amounts on trendy experts just show your employees that you’re willing to invest in their growth and development. It’s more productive to pay more for an ongoing, quality consulting program than many inexpensive and ineffective ones.

5. Focus on specific workplace behaviors. You either practice positive behaviors in the workplace or go down some other path. Focus on hiring a self-awareness consultant that helps leaders and employees behave in positive ways and build a more productive work environment.

6. Don’t punish employees with a consultant. Your program will lose all credibility if you force employees to attend as a corrective measure or because you think they did something wrong. Self-awareness consulting is about ongoing educational opportunity and growth, not about disciplining employees.

7. Attendance is highly encouraged. No one is allowed to schedule meetings or be called out from sessions, especially leadership. Make time during the workday so that people can see that the consulting program is worth their time. Leadership attends consistently and sets the example for the rest of the staff.

8. Set specific goals and measure results as you go. Identify one or two areas you want your consulting program to affect and measure what’s happening before and after the training as well as at intervals in the future. Keep practicing what works and make modifications to strengthen areas that need extra attention.

9. Have the self-awareness consultant train you and your staff to keep things going. Design your consulting programs so that key employees gain the expertise necessary to train other staff members. When your staff can train itself you can keep the knowledge spreading indefinitely and continue making refinements.

10. Make the consulting program part of your culture. You decide how important the program is in your organization. If everyone from your leadership down is highly invested in and actively involved in the program, then it will become a natural element in your workplace.

Try these ideas and you’ll enjoy the benefits of self-awareness consulting that creates lasting change in your organization. All it takes is your commitment and the energy to keep it going. What will you do to develop self-awareness and promote long-term self-awareness consulting in your workplace?

Cheers,

Guy

Leadership, Self-Awareness, and Getting Rid of Workplace Hierarchy

February 11, 2023 - The Self-Awareness Guy

Leaders who possess self-awareness don’t support hierarchy because they understand that people function better and feel more valued when they’re not put in constricting boxes or compared to others based on arbitrary designations because of someone’s need for power and control.

Hierarchy is an inescapable reality in our workplaces even though it stifles creativity and independent thinking. It generally comes from what we saw in our families: One or two people who are in charge, write the law and don’t allow for any input or questioning because it’s against the order they’ve imposed. Leaders who lack self-awareness may not realize how the walls they build between people affect the functioning of their organizations. Authoritarian hierarchy creates many undesirable effects:

People don’t feel important.
People aren’t heard.
All rules are issued from above.
Creative thinking is discouraged.
Questioning is forbidden.
People are labelled and put in boxes.
Decision-making is based on rank or status.
Leadership enjoys additional perks.
People are afraid to think autonomously.
Everyone’s role is defined from the top.
Little tolerance for new ideas or approaches.

A large percentage of our workplaces are designed to manage and control employees rather than let them shine. The key to creating a self-aware, dynamic, fluid workplace is to get rid of the barriers between people and encourage them to interact freely and share ideas. Sure, there will be times when leadership has to make a final decision, but it will be less frequent because people are amazingly adept at thinking on their own when we let them.

What will you do to develop self-awareness and reduce the influence of hierarchy in your workplace?

Cheers,

Guy

Self-Awareness and How to Fix Workplace Problems

February 11, 2023 - The Self-Awareness Guy

Self-awareness helps you fix workplace problems because, when people understand how their emotions, thoughts, and actions affect the workplace, they are able to work on actually resolving the issues at hand instead of perpetuating or making them worse.

During my consulting sessions the theme of how to fix workplace problems arises frequently. We tend to be fixers in our culture and, from an early age, we are taught to confront any problem with an immediate fix. This greatly affects how we deal with challenges in our workplaces. If a colleague asks us for help or just wants us to listen to him or her we often jump to an unsolicited fix. When employees talk with us about our behavior we frequently react by looking for a fix rather than learning more about ourselves.

We do a whole lot of fixing and not as much self-aware thinking and reflecting. This leads to an approach to workplace interactions where everyone reacts to everything rather than pausing a bit and doing some thoughtful planning beforehand.

While I like resolving issues as much as the next person, it’s also important to devote some attention and importance to just working on things without fixing them immediately. The next time someone comes to you with a problem in your workplace, use your self-awareness to do the following:

1. Listen without interrupting or offering advice.

2. Give yourself permission not to fix anything.

3. Let the person talk to you freely and give them the time to do so.

4. Even if you disagree, don’t rebut or become defensive.

5. Learn to recognize the things that trigger your defensiveness or anger.

6. Offer to listen to the person again in the future.

7. Always remain calm and kind.

The act of listening changes the whole dynamic in workplace interactions. Suddenly you can learn what other people really think and simply bond with them. This strategy is different because it requires that, instead of talking or jumping in, you just let someone else tell you about the things they find meaningful. This approach greatly reduces hurt feelings and anger because it encourages you to react calmly to anything another person says and helps the other person feel important.

What will you do to develop self-awareness and fix problems in the workplace more effectively?

Cheers,

Guy

Self-Awareness and Increasing Your Leadership Success

February 10, 2023 - The Self-Awareness Guy

Self-awareness helps you increase your leadership success because, when you understand your own and others’ emotions, thoughts, and actions, you’re able to create a dynamic workplace where you and other people consciously do things that lead in a positive direction.

There are a lot of leadership consulting programs out there that promise us that we can change our workplaces, lead better or be more successful if we just think about it hard enough. While I’m a big believer in the power of positive thinking, I like to add an extra dimension called taking real action.

When you decide to move from an idea that’s in your head to actually doing something you open a door to being more successful because you increase your commitment to changing something in your life. Try the following practical steps to increase your success.

Think of something you want to achieve.
Think of various actions you can take to achieve it.
Pick one action to do today and decide by when you’ll complete it.
Move to the next action.

If you practice these four steps over time you’ll find that you get much better at focusing on something and actually doing it. As you improve your ability to take action you will increase your leadership success.

Leadership success is about actually doing things that help you build a healthier and more productive workplace. All you have to do is commit to changing the patterns you’ve established up to now by replacing them with actions that will get you where you want to be.

What will you do to develop self-awareness and increase your leadership success?

Cheers,

Guy

Self-Awareness and Effective Communication

February 10, 2023 - The Self-Awareness Guy

When you possess self-awareness you’re able to practice effective communication because you’re cognizant of how you come across to people. Leaders who don’t understand their own behavior, and how they’re perceived by others, create communication glitches like misunderstandings or hurt feelings. Here are some examples of the connection between self-awareness and effective communication:

Self-awareness means that you know how your thoughts, emotions and behaviors affect others and you’re able to manage yourself so that the other person is an important part of the conversation.
Self-awareness helps you be more comfortable with yourself so you can relate to others with genuine confidence and kindness.
Self-awareness allows you to get out of the way and let people tell you what’s important to them without letting your stuff complicate the interaction.
Self-awareness gives you the ability to shift from always having to talk (the result of ego) to listening to people instead.
Self-awareness helps you communicate with others on a deeper level because you make them feel valued and important.
Self-awareness helps you understand how others see you and how you can adapt to make more meaningful connections and build stronger relationships.
Self-awareness helps you collaborate with others.

Many leaders burst into the room and start talking when all they really need to do is relax a bit and listen. Effective communication means that you understand how not to get in the way of meaningful conversations. Self-aware leaders understand that there’s more than one person in the room and that everyone’s input matters. How will you use self-awareness to practice effective communication?

Cheers,

Guy

Self-Aware Leaders Delegate Well

February 10, 2023 - The Self-Awareness Guy

I’ll often hear leaders who lack self-awareness talk about the importance of delegating and in the next breath describe how they micromanage things and check up on everything their employees do. There’s a big difference between saying you delegate and being self-aware and actually doing it. Here are 10 signs that you might need to delegate a little more.

1. Your employees keep giving you hints they’d like to take on more responsibility.

2. Your employees keep reminding you that they’re able to do certain things without supervision.

3. You notice conflict or dissatisfaction arising when you give orders or assign tasks.

4. People don’t tell you key things or avoid consulting with you on important matters.

5. Your employees don’t seem all that happy or motivated.

6. There’s not a whole lot of creativity going on in your workplace.

7. Things are always done your way.

8. People aren’t encouraged to come up with new ways of doing things.

9. Employees seem dependent or can’t get things right when you’re not there.

10. People you supervise keep leaving the company.

How many of these occurrences do you recognize? If you do then you might want to make some small changes to create a more balanced workplace where people can think and act independently. An additional benefit is that your employees will feel more valued and you won’t have to be on top of them all the time.

What will you do to develop self-awareness and delegate more?

Cheers,

Guy