Lacking Self-Awareness

Self-Awareness and The Big Mouth - On Developing Self-Awareness and Being Self-Aware

Self-Awareness and The Big Mouth

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People who lack self-awareness have no idea what’s coming out of their mouths and they’ll say things that reveal their inner thoughts and get them in trouble at work and at home. We see examples of this all around us when people make sexist, racially tinged or other inappropriate or clumsy comments because they have limited understanding of how their statements might affect others. It happens a lot in the workplace when leaders trample on their employees or hurt them in some way without realizing that there are other options.

A major element of self-awareness is the ability to practice effective communication, as in, thinking before you speak and, more importantly, being as healthy a person as you possibly can be so that you understand how not to step on others. Here are some tips to heal a case of big mouth:

  • Listen more than you talk.
  • Think before you speak.
  • Resist the urge to say the first thing that comes to your mind.
  • Ask yourself how your words might be perceived by others.
  • If you think what you have to say might be offensive, it will likely be.
  • Clarify what’s going on by asking open-ended questions.
  • Ask people for feedback.
  • Watch people’s facial expressions and reactions.
  • Choose to step outside yourself and consider others’ feelings.
  • Think of a kind way of saying things.
  • Say things that build people up.
  • Monitor your own body language and reactions.

When you practice these behaviors you’ll run a far smaller risk of finding a foot lodged in your mouth and you’ll build a more compassionate and respectful workplace. You’ll also save time and effort because you won’t have to deal with the misunderstandings or conflicts that arise when the message is clouded by extraneous elements. What will you do to make sure you’re communicating effectively, kindly and compassionately?

Cheers,

Guy

10 Signs You Lack Self-Awareness - On Developing Self-Awareness and Being Self-Aware

10 Signs You Lack Self-Awareness

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Here are ten signs you lack self-awareness:

  • You always feel off-balance.
  • You can’t seem to control your emotions: You’re angry, or sad, or scared a lot of the time.
  • You do things to not feel your emotions.
  • You have unresolved issues in your life that affect you and others adversely.
  • You feel like you’re living life as someone else.
  • You don’t know who you really are deep inside.
  • There is a lot of conflict in your life, within yourself and with others.
  • You feel like you’re not following your true path in life.
  • You’re unhappy with how your life is going.
  • You listen to others instead of listening to your inner voice.

If you recognize yourself in any of these items then you have a great opportunity to take an honest look at yourself and start working on being the best version of you possible. Self-awareness isn’t something that happens automatically, you have to identify the areas in your life that require some attention and work on them so you become a healthier more well-rounded person.

Cheers,

Guy

Stubborn Leaders Lack Self-Awareness - On Developing Self-Awareness and Being Self-Aware

Stubborn Leaders Lack Self-Awareness

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Leaders who lack self-awareness sometimes think that being stubborn is the same as being right about something. They hang on to their position no matter what happens because they just don’t see any other option. There’s nothing terribly wrong with this behavior but it does affect the leader and team involved; usually in less than positive ways. Here’s a couple of things to think about if you know someone who is amazingly stubborn:

Being Stubborn is a Defense Mechanism

People who are stubborn hang on to their beliefs at all costs because they feel they are defending something very important. Even if the issue doesn’t seem important to others, it is to them.  People in this situation frequently believe that if they give up their position, something terrible will happen.

Being Stubborn is a Dead End Street

Once someone decides to be stubborn they have painted themselves into a corner because they severely limit any options to fix anything. They hang onto their point of view no matter what and literally can’t explore other options because they don’t allow for any.

What is Right?

Stubborn people frequently think they are right but, if you think about it, what’s right and what’s wrong? We can usually measure what’s right by whether the results of a given behavior leads to positive outcomes. Yet most stubborn behavior just leads to entrenchment. I’m not certain most people would say that being stuck is the same as being right or happy.

So What Can We Do?

Stubbornness can be a daunting challenge. Some people are so stubborn that they will live a miserable life just to prove their point. The only real way to alleviate stubbornness to practice self-awareness and get help to interrupt the behavior patterns and beliefs that led to the current situation. There’s not much other people can do except make themselves available to talk with the person and set limits and boundaries.

Being stubborn rarely leads to positive results and it isn’t very effective at creating inspiring workplaces. The good news is that the cycle can be interrupted by taking a good look at oneself and slightly shifting the behaviors that lead to being stubborn. The result?  Greater happiness and more successful leaders.

What will you do to develop self-awareness and avoid being a stubborn leader?

Cheers,

Guy

Self-Awareness and the Closing of the Mind - On Developing Self-Awareness and Being Self-Aware

Self-Awareness and the Closing of the Mind

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The closing of the mind occurs when people who lack self-awareness decide that the world is too complicated and difficult and drift toward easy answers to their discomfort instead of looking inward and healing themselves. I’ve noticed over years of helping people build self-awareness that many individuals gravitate toward safe, rigid, ways of thinking and behaving when they face uncertainty. It’s not unusual to want order and predictability in one’s life, but it can easily get in the way of living genuinely and courageously.

When people close their minds and latch onto things that promise them safety and comfort, they lose the ability to be themselves because they’re relying on someone or something else to do the hard work for them. It’s like saying you do something but having someone else do it for you. The good news is that you can open your mind by listening to your inner voice and following your true path in life.

When I share my inner thoughts with the world, I’m exposed, even uncomfortable at times. I show everyone my true self rather than a polished veneer that hides the real me. The reason I write is not because it’s easy, safe, or orderly, but because it keeps my mind flexible, nimble, open, and able to deal with the uncertainties that come my way.

A major element of self-awareness is the ability to keep your mind open to new ideas and experiences instead of running away from difficult issues. What will you do to develop self-awareness and avoid the closing of the mind?

Cheers,

Guy

Self-Aware People Don't Crave External Validation - On Developing Self-Awareness and Being Self-Aware

Self-Aware People Don’t Crave External Validation

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Self-aware people don’t crave external validation because they are happy with themselves and understand their own emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. They are comfortable with who they are and forge their own path in life.

Many individuals lack self-awareness and spend their lives doing what other people say. The only person who really matters is you and it’s important that you listen to what your inner voice is telling you. That doesn’t mean that you need to ignore wise people, just that it’s positive to think independently and trust yourself.

If you feel yourself craving validation, try doing something different than you normally would, like:

  • Increasing your self-awareness by evaluating your strengths and areas for improvement.
  • Working on healing the hurts from your past.
  • Doing some positive thing you love doing and that moves you in a beneficial direction.
  • Taking a walk.
  • Doing something creative.
  • Creating a list of wonderful things about you and adding to it each day for thirty days.

The trick to moving past needing outside validation is to learn how to love yourself by knowing who you are and what brings you joy in life. All it takes to get there is doing small things each day that will eventually transform your life. What will you do to develop self-awareness and stop craving external validation?

Cheers,

Guy

Self-Aware Leaders Don't Discipline Employees - On Developing Self-Awareness and Being Self-Aware

Self-Aware Leaders Don’t Discipline Employees

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Self-aware leaders don’t discipline employees because they understand that being punitive is a poor approach to elicit better performance from people. So why do so many leaders and organizations insist on disciplining everyone? Because they lack self-awareness and the knowledge to do something differently.

See if you recognize this pattern: An employee does something against the rules and sets in motion a complex series of consequences which may include a verbal warning, counseling, reprimanding, written warning, heartfelt lecture and so on up to termination or taking away their TV privileges.

While I understand that workplaces need a standardized, consistent way of dealing with behaviors that break the rules, I’ve found it helpful to encourage an alternate approach that treats employees like thinking, capable people instead of children. Here are 5 ideas to help you deal with negative employee behaviors before you even think about going to the HR manual:

1.  Ask the employee what happened and then listen without interrupting.

2.  Ask the employee to tell you what they did that worked well toward fixing the situation and listen to them. Then ask them what didn’t work as well and listen.

3.  Ask the employee to come up with three recommendations of what they would do to remedy the situation.

4.  Ask the employee to take action on the most important recommendation and give you a time limit by when they will do it. When they report back ask them what three other things they recommend doing and have them follow-through on the top one of that set of ideas and report back.

5.  Praise the employee for the corrections he or she has made.

The trap leaders who lack self-awareness fall into when disciplining employees is that they think they have to correct behaviors through external consequences or punishment rather than helping them learn positive behaviors. This overlooks the concept that employees are able to think for themselves and correct their own behavior.

When I talk with leaders about this approach I invariably get the question, “Well, what if the employee has no clue what to do?” My answer is, you won’t find out until you give them an opportunity to do it. Leaders are so used to running to the rule book that they forget that there are many other ways of resolving all kinds of workplace challenges. The key to this approach is practicing it until people get really good at it. This leads to employees who are able to think critically and problem-solve their own situations.

What will you do to develop self-awareness, stop disciplining employees, and start involving them in improving their own behaviors?

Cheers,

Guy

Leaders Who Lack Self-Awareness Lead Unconsciously - On Developing Self-Awareness and Being Self-Aware

Leaders Who Lack Self-Awareness Lead Unconsciously

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Many leaders who lack self-awareness have a special talent for creating hostile workplaces teeming with uninspired and miserable employees just waiting for the day to end. Why does this happen in so many workplaces? One major reason is that many people in leadership positions mean well but lead unconsciously. They do what they’ve always done and, for many, that means repeating behaviors they saw in their families when they were growing up or that were spread to them by other unwitting bosses. They make the same mistakes over and over, hoping that someday they’ll get different results. Here are ten leadership mistakes that are being perpetrated in workplaces worldwide as we speak by leaders who lack self-awareness:

  1. Preventing employees from thinking for themselves and making decisions independently.
  2. Not being able to let go of the need to control people.
  3. Working out personal problems on one’s employees.
  4. Functioning in a reactive, disorganized manner instead of planning proactively.
  5. Creating chaos and confusion by always being in crisis mode.
  6. Not setting a positive example of how to behave appropriately and effectively in the workplace.
  7. Constantly assigning duties with no clear expectations or support.
  8. Talking too much instead of listening actively.
  9. Not trusting employees.
  10. Not asking for input, feedback or help.

If you’ve ever worked for someone who does these things you cherish the memories of wanting to find another job or hoping they move on sometime soon. It can be incredibly stifling and demoralizing to work for a leader like this but it’s a common scenario.

The vital question to ask here is whether you do any of these things? If you do, it doesn’t mean you’re evil, just that you have an opportunity to lead more effectively. Any of the examples mentioned in this article can be replaced with a different behavior that leads to more positive results. You get to decide how you behave and what kind of workplace you create.

What will you do to develop self-awareness and lead consciously?

Cheers,

Guy

The Self-Awareness Guy