Personal Awareness

How to Use Self-Awareness to Fix a Relationship Problem - On Developing Self-Awareness and Being Self-Aware

How to Use Self-Awareness to Fix a Relationship Problem

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Self-awareness can help you fix your relationship problems because, when the people involved understand and can manage their emotions, thoughts, and actions, they are in a good position to resolve the situation.

Many people experience difficulties in their relationships and don’t know what to do about them. They repeat an endless cycle of getting hurt, hurting back and perpetuating the hurt through their actions. It even happens in dating situations and marriages where both people are kind, intelligent and caring. So what is it that causes this conflict and what can we do to increase our self-awareness and do something about the issue? It helps to first examine why conflict occurs. Here are some of the causes:

  • Neither person understands the other person’s point of view.
  • There is not a meeting of the minds on issues.
  • Neither side backs down.
  • Each side tries to win.
  • Neither side has the skills or knowledge to fix the problem.
  • The people involved are hurt, angry, frustrated or sad.

The good news is that you can help your situation by being self-aware and thinking about new ways of doing things. The key point is to start a process where nobody wins and both of you collaborate to find a solution that works for everyone involved. Consider using the following ideas to begin increasing your self-awareness and connecting with your significant other in ways that will benefit both of you.

  • You both agree to talk.
  • Set up an interruption-free time to talk.
  • Agree on one thing to talk about.
  • Brainstorm possible ideas to fix the problem.
  • Evaluate each option.
  • Agree together on the resolution that works best for both of you.
  • Work together to take action on the resolution.
  • Move to the next problem.
  • Think about getting a neutral person involved to mediate.

I also encourage my clients to do away with the word “problem” and look at the challenges in life as opportunities for personal growth and movement in a more positive direction. Looking at challenging situations in a positive light gives you the opportunity to actually fix things rather than repeating the same patterns.

So the next time you are in the middle of a fight, redirect your thoughts to the possibility that both of you can work together and purposefully resolve the matter. What will you do to increase your self-awareness and fix your relationship problems?

Cheers,

Guy

Self-Awareness and the Power of Positive Thinking - On Developing Self-Awareness and Being Self-Aware

Self-Awareness and the Power of Positive Thinking

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Self-awareness is connected to positive thinking because, when you understand yourself deep inside, you’re able to focus your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in a favorable direction.

I was recently facilitating a workshop with a group of people who had been through significant trauma in their lives and I posed the question, “Why is it that some people are able to move forward and others can’t?” Their responses included determination, resilience, and courage.

An answer I’ve found helpful is: People who overcome obstacles are those who develop their self-awareness so they are able to focus on the positive. This doesn’t mean that they minimize trauma or don’t acknowledge difficulties, it’s simply that they are able to understand themselves well enough to bypass the negative and concentrate on doing positive things.

Human beings have an amazing ability to move in any direction they want to. Right this moment you could take some small action to increase your self-awareness and change your life. All it takes is making a conscious decision to do something, anything. Being positive is about focusing on the things you can change and that you have control over.

We are able to change ourselves because we have control over what we do. Next time you feel like there is no hope, try doing one thing to interrupt those thoughts and that will move you in a positive direction. Time after time I’ve had clients tell me that all it took to change their lives was thinking positively about something they used to think of as negative.

What will you do to increase your self-awareness and think positively?

Cheers,

Guy

Self-Awareness and Doing Things Now - On Developing Self-Awareness and Being Self-Aware

Self-Awareness and Doing Things Now

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Did you know that you can use self-awareness to start doing things right now to improve your life. When you understand yourself deep inside, you’re better able to take action to transform your situation.

We spend so much time thinking about the things we could have done that we forget the power we have to change things in the present. It’s easy to get stuck in a mode where we replay past events or make up future possibilities but that never seems to affect the present.

Spending more time consciously working on the present is the only way to change your destiny. If you start today by telling yourself that you will work on something occurring in the present you will suddenly have command of your destiny and power to change whatever you want.

Try doing that today; find something that you keep hoping would happen in the past or future and re-focus it in the present. Ask yourself what you can do right now to affect something in your life right now. Doing stuff in the present helps us take our minds off all the things we have no control of and focuses our energy on the things we can change.

What will you do to increase your self-awareness and make things happen right now?

Cheers,

Guy

10 Characteristics of Leaders Who Lack Self-Awareness - On Developing Self-Awareness and Being Self-Aware

10 Characteristics of Leaders Who Lack Self-Awareness

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Quite frequently in my trainings I notice that certain leaders become uncomfortable, defensive or combative when I suggest that they take a look at themselves and their behaviors.  They’ll list their accomplishments, defend their tough decisions, justify negative behaviors or blame others for things that went wrong.  Sometimes I get dead silence or resistance because they aren’t comfortable looking at themselves.  It can be hard to look in the mirror.

Self-awareness is, understandably, a somewhat unusual concept for many leaders because it’s not emphasized or practiced in our workplaces.  We tend to focus on results rather than people so, naturally, leaders gauge how good they are by the kind of results they get rather than how healthy, insightful or empathic they are.

Most leaders are simply responsible for being authoritative, highly productive and making decisions that make money without ever having to take a look at what kind of people they are and how they affect others.  Here are ten characteristics of leaders who lack self-awareness:

  1. Any problems are due to other people’s shortcomings.
  2. They don’t have a sense of how their actions affect others.
  3. They haven’t worked out their own stuff and it tends to get on their employees.
  4. They almost exclusively make decisions based on their own perspective and needs.
  5. They don’t ask for feedback from others because they know they’re doing a great job.
  6. They get upset when someone questions what they do.
  7. They haven’t found deep personal fulfillment and happiness yet.
  8. Their ego drives their actions.
  9. They worry about how events affect them but not others.
  10. They have difficulty praising the great work others do.

Think about these ten points and whether you know someone who practices any of them.  If you do, it doesn’t mean they’re bad or wrong, it just shows to what extent we’ve glorified the image of the strong, productive and decisive leader who runs around all day barking orders and never has to think of who might be getting hurt.

Self-awareness is about being comfortable with who you are because you’ve reached a point of genuine health, balance and understanding of yourself and others.  The key point is that self-awareness leads to treating yourself and others well.  The happier you are with yourself the more likely you’ll be to treat your employees with empathy and kindness.

Self-aware leaders move beyond the need to appear powerful or trumpet how great they are to simply being good people.  What ideas do you have to encourage more self-awareness in leadership?

Cheers,

Guy

Self-Awareness Can Help You Overcome Insecurity - On Developing Self-Awareness and Being Self-Aware

Self-Awareness Can Help You Overcome Insecurity

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Self-awareness can help you overcome insecurity because, the more you know yourself deep inside, the fewer reasons you’ll have to be insecure. Self-aware people understand themselves and their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors and are able to focus their energy in a positive direction. So how can you reduce insecurity? Let’s take a look.

Insecurity comes from deep within you and is often caused by messages you heard early in life. You can feel insecure even when things are going well in your life because it never goes away unless you heal it. The difficulty arises when your inner dialogue gets in the way of being a happy, balanced or effective person.

So what do you do if you regularly experience insecurity? If you’re really ready to move past it, you’ll work on understanding why you feel the way you do (increasing your self-awareness) and ask for help when you don’t have the answers. There is a pervasive myth that working on your issues should be avoided at all costs. That approach never leads to happiness because the issue never goes away and often gets worse the more you try to ignore it. No matter how much you try to stuff it back in the box, it always pops out again, often at inappropriate times. Doing the work is the only way to alleviate the situation.

Feeling secure comes from building your self-awareness. It’s the process of finding out who you are, what you love to do, what brings you joy, your interests, your passions in life and the issues that you need to resolve to move forward. When you understand yourself better, you make decisions based on feeling powerful and happy rather than insecure.

What will you do to build your self-awareness and reduce your insecurity?

Cheers,

Guy

Self-Awareness and Dealing with a Difficult Boss - On Developing Self-Awareness and Being Self-Aware

Self-Awareness and Dealing with a Difficult Boss

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Self-awareness is an invaluable skill to possess when dealing with a difficult boss. When you are comfortable with yourself and understand your own emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, you’re better able to deal with any person who comes your way, no matter how challenging they may be.

It’s hard and unpleasant to work for a tyrant. Difficult bosses micromanage, keep us off balance, withhold information, shout at us, undermine our efforts, avoid us or perpetrate any number of behaviors that make our time in the workplace unpleasant.

This is all normal. If you think about it, people are thrown into the business world where they re-enact all the dramas from their upbringing and personal life on the people they manage. There are no classes on how to keep your personal strife from affecting your subordinates.

Regardless of what your boss does, there are things you can do to develop your self-awareness so you can take care of yourself and deal with the situation realistically. Think about the following ideas the next time you find yourself feeling exasperated by a troublesome boss:

1. It’s not about you. People behave the way they do because of their own issues. Just because they don’t know how to treat you well doesn’t mean that you have to take on that burden and feel bad about it. Remember to take care of yourself regardless of how your boss treats you.

2. It’s all in your perspective. Ever wonder why some people are bothered by a certain behavior and others take it in stride? You get to choose what you focus on. If you let your boss yank your chain you give up all your power. If you redirect or ignore negative behavior you become stronger.

3. Try something other than confrontation. Many people think that the only way to deal with challenging issues is to get in someone’s face. While this may stop the behavior temporarily, it rarely gets rid of the underlying cause. Do some research on two-way communication and problem solving to build up your ability to work with your boss on finding solutions.

4. Listen more than you talk. By listening you let the person tell you what’s going on and you learn a great deal about what’s causing them to behave in this negative manner. It also helps you avoid mistaken assumptions.

5. Leave your ego at the door. We tend to get caught up in trying to win battles or avoiding embarrassment but that gets in the way of actually fixing stuff. Model the behavior you want to see. A calm and caring attitude will get you farther than trying to prove that your point of view is correct.

6. Think long term. When trying to fix a situation with a difficult boss please realize that it will take considerable time to alleviate. Remember that it took them a long time to get to where they are, it will take long-term patience and kindness to interrupt the pattern. Expect that you will not get the results you desire the first few times you try this approach.

7. Stick with it. The only way situations change is by consistently repeating new behaviors. If you practice these steps over time, people will eventually become accustomed to your new way of doing things. Keep in mind that they may actually get worse initially before they get better.

8. Have an alternate plan. If all your efforts fail then you might need to evaluate your options for the future. Life is too short to endure poor treatment. You deserve to work at a place where you are appreciated. Start planning the next phase of your life today and you will have something positive to look forward to.

Nobody enjoys having a difficult boss but there are things we can do to increase our self-awareness, regain our power, and live a happier professional life. When you choose to work things out with a problematic boss you not only affect your interaction with him or her, you begin to take control of the remainder of your life.

What will you do to increase your self-awareness and deal effectively with your difficult boss?

Cheers,

Guy

Self-Awareness and the Common Good - On Developing Self-Awareness and Being Self-Aware

Self-Awareness and the Common Good

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When you’re actively building self-awareness you understand how important your mental health and well-being are to promoting the common good. The more balanced you are, the more you empathize with others and treat them with kindness and compassion. Healthy, happy people tend to relate to others well because they don’t have the garbage that gets in the way of positive interactions, such as:

  • The need to control others.
  • The need to dominate.
  • The need to win.
  • The need to be better than others.
  • The need to get the last word in.
  • The need for power.
  • The need to be right.

These types of behaviors create divisions and adversarial relationships rather than mutual caring and collaboration. The key to building a kind community is for its members to be happy, balanced, fulfilled individuals who are able to treat others well. What will you do to be part of the common good?

Cheers,

Guy

The Self-Awareness Guy