Self-Aware

Communication Mistakes of Leaders Who Lack Self-Awareness - On Developing Self-Awareness and Being Self-Aware

Communication Mistakes of Leaders Who Lack Self-Awareness

/ / Self-Awareness in Leadership / , ,

I rarely meet leaders who think they are poor communicators. Quite frequently one of these leaders will confide in me that his or her employees just aren’t getting it or that they have to repeat things a million times. The missing element in these heartfelt confessions is the role of the leader himself or herself, most of whom lack self-awareness and, by extension, communication skills.

Practicing effective communication begins with you. You decide whether you build a foundation for excellent communication or whether you keep getting the results you’ve always experienced. Many people honestly believe that they communicate well because they tell people what to do and then those people do it and seem happy. Others are certain that everything is going wonderfully because nobody ever speaks up or contradicts what they’re saying. Perhaps you’ve worked for someone who is proud of his (or her) ability to get his point across clearly and concisely and then prattles on at meetings until people fall asleep.

So what can you do to build self-awareness and enjoy great communication in your workplace rather than pretending it’s happening? It starts with looking at where you might need to make some small adjustments. Here are ten of the most common, and avoidable, communication mistakes that occur in workplaces worldwide:

  1. One-way communication where the leader says something and it can’t be questioned.
  2. Absence of listening to what employees have to say.
  3. Interrupting what other people say or cutting them off in some way.
  4. Inserting your “helpful” questions or opinions into what someone is saying.
  5. Reacting immediately and negatively to what people say.
  6. Pretending there’s an open door of communication.
  7. Correcting what people say instead of valuing their ideas.
  8. Assuming you know what the other person means.
  9. Multitasking while someone is trying to talk with you.
  10. Lack of deeper communication and interpersonal connections.

Imagine a workplace where all these ten things occur habitually and you’ve probably described most workplaces that currently exist. Everyone says they value communication but few actually have the self-awareness to practice it in a way that encourages people to share meaningfully. Luckily, you can change this pattern at any time by doing the opposite of each one. If you don’t listen often, do it a little more. If you don’t really have an open door, start inviting people to talk with you at a time of their choosing and simply listen to what they have to say with no interruptions or repercussions.

It’s these small steps that eventually help leaders build workplaces where effective communication is highly prized and practiced. What will you do to develop self-awareness and promote healthier communication in your workplace?

Cheers,

Guy

Self-Awareness Helps You Reduce Workplace Conflict - On Developing Self-Awareness and Being Self-Aware

Self-Awareness Helps You Reduce Workplace Conflict

/ / Self-Awareness in Leadership / , ,

Self-awareness helps you reduce workplace conflict because, when people from leadership on down understand how their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors affect themselves and others, they are able to build healthy workplaces that don’t suffer from endless strife.

We have a great deal of influence over how our workplace conflicts play out but we seldom do anything about them because we don’t know how. We aren’t given a manual on how to resolve workplace conflict or promote positive interactions, so we kind of improvise, mostly using what we learned in our family or social circle to try to fix all our challenges.

Since we haven’t been trained in how to actually defuse a situation, we frequently become part of the problem in interpersonal interactions rather than helping devise a solution. This happens because we lack self-awareness, essential conflict resolution skills, or we lose perspective and let the other person draw us into the situation. Think about the following scenarios and see if you can spot the difference between being part of the problem and not.

1. The other person gets angry and you immediately retaliate and/or defend yourself.

2. The other person gets angry and you ask them to tell you about it and you listen.

As I’m sure you can tell, example number two is the more desirable behavior and will get you far better results. There is a myth that we have to fight to the death for our point of view and deny others theirs but, in practical terms, this only perpetuates a communication style that continues the conflict because it never resolves the underlying issues that feed the situation. People who lack self-awareness stumble from conflict to conflict hoping they’ll go away or looking forward to the next one but never actually fixing the situation. I much prefer a scenario where we actually make the conflict go away by resolving it. This is possible by practicing some common-sense skills that too often get lost in the midst of all the shouting.

One of the best ways to reduce confrontation is to have the self-awareness to simply listen. The world is not going to end if you don’t retaliate or fight. In reality, you actually connect more with the other person if you just listen to them. You also benefit from not having to fight and you get to relax more. When you listen it doesn’t mean that you agree with the other person, it just indicates that you are willing to consider the other person’s point of view. Listening is a powerful skill for defusing conflict because it makes the other person feel important. People tend to explode or talk with great urgency because they are used to people cutting them off. When we don’t cut them off they can tell us what’s bothering them and then we can work together to actually find a solution.

The next skill is to have the self-awareness to not become defensive. Many people think that the only way to deal with workplace conflict is to retaliate. This approach rarely fixes anything and often worsens the situation. If your goal is to actually resolve things then it is helpful to rein yourself in and not go on the offensive. The reason we react defensively is that we feel attacked when others are in conflict with us, we take it personally. In actuality, people get upset for any number of reasons and it is usually about things that are going on inside them. Next time you are in a conflict try a different approach. Take some time to consciously listening to the other person or calm yourself down by breathing or counting. When we remain composed, we don’t add fuel to the fire and our interactions tend to go in a more positive direction. Even in the face of active conflict, if we simply take a breath and let the other person process what’s going on inside them we greatly increase the chances that they will calm down. In general, people aren’t furious at us, they are simply working on their own issues and we happen to be in the vicinity.

People like to be valued and listened to and they are much more likely to work with us to resolve problems if they see we are not going to trample all over them or become defensive. The next time you feel a clash coming on, try listening to the other person without commenting, editorializing, offering your opinion or going into defensive mode. By practicing these foundation-building skills, you will be setting the foundation for improved interactions in the future.

What will you do to develop self-awareness and reduce conflict in your workplace?

Cheers,

Guy

Self-Awareness Consulting Produces Long-Term Results - On Developing Self-Awareness and Being Self-Aware

Self-Awareness Consulting Produces Long-Term Results

/ / Self-Awareness in Leadership / , , , , ,

Many leaders hire a self-awareness consultant for a session or two only to find that they produce little or no long-term results. Most leaders and their employees are highly motivated and conscientious professionals who genuinely want their training programs to succeed but who habitually focus on short-term patches instead of long-term programs that benefit their organizations over time.

Short-term thinking permeates many of our workplaces. I’ve had more than a few leaders who lack self-awareness ask me to transform their workplaces and employees in a single, three-hour session, and they actually believe it can be done. It takes considerably more time and effort for consulting to take hold in any organization. As with any behavior, it takes time to shift our thinking and replace it with new actions. Here are ten ideas that will help you make the most of your work with a self-awareness consultant and create long-term results:

1. Self-awareness consulting works best when it’s ongoing. A one-time session might be mildly effective if you’re teaching people a specific workplace task but it doesn’t create long-term changes in thinking and behavior. Learning any new skill (such as how to communicate well, manage effectively or build teams) takes deliberate practice over time.

2. Help your employees keep practicing the new skills. Your staff members benefit from your support to keep the consulting going. Try to set people up for success by giving them opportunities to practice the material instead of expecting them to be perfect immediately after one or two sessions.

3. Self-awareness consulting starts with leadership. No initiative succeeds in an organization if leaders aren’t fully committed to participating actively in the program. If you’re not involved on an ongoing basis, then your staff members will think the program doesn’t really matter.

4. Don’t hire a self-awareness consultant on the cheap. You don’t have to spend excessive amounts on trendy experts just show your employees that you’re willing to invest in their growth and development. It’s more productive to pay more for an ongoing, quality consulting program than many inexpensive and ineffective ones.

5. Focus on specific workplace behaviors. You either practice positive behaviors in the workplace or go down some other path. Focus on hiring a self-awareness consultant that helps leaders and employees behave in positive ways and build a more productive work environment.

6. Don’t punish employees with a consultant. Your program will lose all credibility if you force employees to attend as a corrective measure or because you think they did something wrong. Self-awareness consulting is about ongoing educational opportunity and growth, not about disciplining employees.

7. Attendance is highly encouraged. No one is allowed to schedule meetings or be called out from sessions, especially leadership. Make time during the workday so that people can see that the consulting program is worth their time. Leadership attends consistently and sets the example for the rest of the staff.

8. Set specific goals and measure results as you go. Identify one or two areas you want your consulting program to affect and measure what’s happening before and after the training as well as at intervals in the future. Keep practicing what works and make modifications to strengthen areas that need extra attention.

9. Have the self-awareness consultant train you and your staff to keep things going. Design your consulting programs so that key employees gain the expertise necessary to train other staff members. When your staff can train itself you can keep the knowledge spreading indefinitely and continue making refinements.

10. Make the consulting program part of your culture. You decide how important the program is in your organization. If everyone from your leadership down is highly invested in and actively involved in the program, then it will become a natural element in your workplace.

Try these ideas and you’ll enjoy the benefits of self-awareness consulting that creates lasting change in your organization. All it takes is your commitment and the energy to keep it going. What will you do to develop self-awareness and promote long-term self-awareness consulting in your workplace?

Cheers,

Guy

Self-Awareness and Deciding What You Want to Do in Life - On Developing Self-Awareness and Being Self-Aware

Self-Awareness and Deciding What You Want to Do in Life

/ / Self and Self-Awareness, Self-Awareness / , , ,

Self-awareness is a vital element of deciding what you want to do in life because, when you know yourself well deep inside, you’re able to use your emotions, thoughts, and actions to move in the direction of your dreams.

Many of us are searching for what we want to do with our lives. I frequently recommend to my clients that they do things that bring them joy and that really speak to who they are as a person. A quick checklist you can use to figure out if you are doing what you love could include:

  • What do I love doing more than anything? Am I doing it?
  • What am I doing to pursue my dreams?
  • Am I settling for a life that does not include my dreams?
  • What am I afraid of?
  • What can I do today to move toward my dreams?

Moving one’s life in the direction we want it to go in requires conscious thought. The good news is that anyone can do concrete things to move in any direction they want. Start today and you could be on your way to doing the things you’ve dreamed of.

What will you do to develop self-awareness and follow the path you want to in life?

Cheers,

Guy

Self-Awareness and Being Insecure - On Developing Self-Awareness and Being Self-Aware

Self-Awareness and Being Insecure

/ / Self-Awareness, Self-Consciousness / , , ,

When you enjoy a high level of self-awareness you tend to be less insecure because you understand who you really are and you don’t compare yourself to others. Countless people wander through life measuring themselves against some arbitrary standard set by someone else rather than becoming healthy and happy on their own. The first step in moving past insecurity is to acknowledge it. Here are some signs to look for:

  • You compare yourself to others.
  • You try to be perfect.
  • Deep down inside, you don’t like yourself.
  • You’re not living your own life.
  • You don’t treat yourself or others well.
  • You seldom practice compassion.
  • You’re always trying to beat someone else.
  • You revel in power and control.

When you do these types of things, it doesn’t mean you’re a terrible person but, rather, that you may not have yet really gotten in touch with the person you really are deep inside. Take the time to get to know who you really are and live your life based on your true joys and passions and you won’t have to worry about what others think or compare yourself to anyone but yourself. What will you do to reduce your insecurity?

Cheers,

Guy

Self-Awareness and Critical Thinking - On Developing Self-Awareness and Being Self-Aware

Self-Awareness and Critical Thinking

/ / Self-Awareness, Self-Consciousness / , , , ,

If you’re actively working on increasing your self-awareness then you’re familiar with critical thinking, the process by which you determine whether something is true or false. When you’re able to use facts to determine whether something is valid or not, you’re better equipped to deal with any situation that comes your way and live a happier life. Let’s look at the difference between an individual who doesn’t think critically and one who does:

Person 1

Someone says something to this person that scares her. She can’t figure out what to do and doesn’t know how to assess what’s true or false about what she’s being told. Because she doesn’t understand the topic at hand, she draws conclusions based on visceral feelings, suppositions, or hunches rather than facts. Unable to ascertain what’s really going on, she remains uninformed and fearful.

Person 2

This person has been told the same thing, initially feels scared, but has the presence of mind to evaluate the topic. She does some research to determine what is true or false about what she’s been told based on demonstrable and verifiable facts. She is able to view the issue in context and asses its likely impact on her life. She reacts appropriately based on the information she’s collected.

You’ll be much more likely to live a meaningful and balanced life if you take the time to determine what’s actually true or false about any given topic or situation. Some people leave things to emotion, chance, or superstition; you can choose to take a dispassionate look at the issue and deal with it based on demonstrable facts. How will you use your critical thinking skills?

Cheers,

Guy

Why Does Self-Awareness Matter at All? - On Developing Self-Awareness and Being Self-Aware

Why Does Self-Awareness Matter at All?

/ / Self-Awareness / , , , , , ,

Why does self-awareness matter at all? Because it’s the key to living a deeply fulfilling, happy and authentic life. Imagine waking up each day, doing things that mean something to you and behaving like the real you. So many people spend their lives trying to be someone else or thinking and behaving in ways that don’t reflect who they really are deep inside that they miss out on being themselves.

When you build self-awareness you give yourself the gift of being yourself without having to ignore, compromise or minimize your amazing ideas, talents and abilities. You get to do what you find meaningful and live in a way that’s free from the restrictions and limits that many other people experience.

Self-awareness matters because you get to be your wonderful self.

Cheers,

Guy

The Self-Awareness Guy